put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
