There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
