$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
