Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
