Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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