you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
