just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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