U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
