Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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