You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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