so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
