I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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