dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
