I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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