I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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