after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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