So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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