First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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