Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
