Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
honey bunches of taint.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
