In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
