Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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