All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
