I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
