tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
