I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
