So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
