the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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