i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sobbing to NWA
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
