btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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