I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
