you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
