he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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