she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
