it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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