Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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