How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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