I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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