I faked an abortion last night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
