why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
