I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
