Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
