Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
