She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
