I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
