Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
