My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
