I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I supernannyed him into submission
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
