My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
