Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
