Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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