to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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